His treasure: Chapter 4: Friendzoned.
He punched him. Right in the mouth. If Mark wanted to report him that was fine. Right now he didn't give a shit! He was furious. Mark had set him up. The one person he had a solid friendship with on the Force betrayed him.
Sudie heard something. He wasn't sure how much of the conversation with that Judas she heard, but now she wasn't answering his calls. He needed to see her. He needed to explain. Yes, what he said had some measure of truth to it, but he did care for her. He was falling for her.
The sexual attraction between them was real. It was her that his body craved. Her that his member ached for every time he saw her. That night he stood in the shower and touched himself was about her. Not once did Lissa cross his mind.
He was confused for a minute. But now? Nah, now he was crystal clear about what he wanted. He didn't want to lose her. His obsession with Lissa was a blockage to his happiness. He was done! He wanted to give this relationship with Sudie a chance. The alternative was to give up and he was not a quitter.
It wasn't that he couldn't fall in love with her. He was falling for her. It was a slow process that pulled her light into his life--into his heart, little by little. But it was real. She made him feel safe--understood. He didn't know what he was thinking.
He just needed more time. More time to be fully over Lissa. More time to know and understand Sudie. More time to love her deeply, body and soul. More time to ...
He knocked on Sudie's front door, desperate to see her. He heard footsteps. Heavier footsteps than what he expected. The door swung open and he was face to face with Corporal Barracks. He was confused at first, but then he remembered that Barracks and Sudanie were long time friends. He took a step to enter the house, but Barracks pushed him back.
With his palm bracing on Ryan's chest, Barracks shook his head. "Corporal Stewart, Ms Walker doesn't want to speak with you."
Ryan frowned. "I need to speak with her. It's very important that I talk to her."
Barracks did not move. Ryan tried to pass him, but Barracks shifted his position and blocked him. His hand was still on Ryan's chest. Ryan pushed it off him.
"Move Claude," Ryan said, his voice menacing. "Move or I will move you."
"Sudie has been crying because of you. Did you really tell Mark if Lissa came back and wanted to be with you, you would be with her?"
'So she heard everything.'
A sharp pang of regret and guilt twisted like a knife in his chest. He needed to hold her; needed to show her he wanted her. He would prove he was worthy of her love. He was sorry. He wanted another chance to prove that he really cared for her.
'God, I want to love her. I want to be her man fully. Help me.'
"It's not quite like that--"
"What is it like, Rhy?"
Both men turned their heads to see Sudanie standing behind them. Ryan pushed past Claude, shoving him out of the way.
Claude was about to grab Ryan's shoulder when Sudie spoke up: "Claude, it's fine. I need to hear what he has to say." Ryan came forward and held on to her hands. She looked at him with cold, unreadable eyes.
"Come inside," she said, "I don't want my neighbour dem fi know mi bizniz."
She walked into the house. Ryan followed her. As Claude was about to enter Sudie pulled the door in.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Claude," she said in a flat tone.
"Sudie," Claude said, his jaw clenched.
"I'll see you at work tomorrow, Claude. Good night."
"Sudz?" A coldness washed over him as he saw how dead her eyes were. Ryan had broken her. Rage burned hot in his chest.
"Tomorrow, Corporal Barracks."
The sharp tone of her voice jolted him. He took a deep breath and nodded. She closed the door and Claude was left standing there, wondering if he had messed things up by showing her how he really felt.
He walked to his car. His head was spinning. She felt it too he knew she felt it. The undeniable chemistry between them She had kissed him back with a hunger too.
He sighed, Was it about him or was it because she was feeling vulnerable? He took a deep breath and sat in the car. He turned the key in the ignition, eased out off 'park' and switched into first gear. He drove off slowly. He wasn't going to give up without a fight.
***
Sudie sat on the couch while Ryan settled in the old arm chair that once belonged to her dad. She watched him closely. Her heart felt numb. But she wanted to know. Wanted to understand what Ryan was thinking when he said those things. She looked at him, her eyes flat, her lips pursed.
"Okay, now's your opportunity. Say what you have to say," she said quietly.
Ryan observed her body language. She was closed off from him. 'Have I lost her?'
"I went to the bar to clear my head," he said slowly. "I didn't know Mark was there, but I was relieved to see him. He's like a mentor to me, as you know."
He watched her. She gave him nothing. She just sat there like a statue, her beautiful, dark eyes sad. He took a deep breath and released it slowly.
"Sudie, my body craves you like no other. I've been with other women, but you're the first I can hardly control myself around. I backed out of our dinner tonight because I want to ... forgive my language, Sue." Ryan rubbed his face with his left hand and took a quick breath. He looked at the floor then looked up at her.
"Sudie, I want to fuck you so good we both forget out names," he rasped. "I am believer in Christ. The two things are a contradiction to each other. How can I say I want to live a holy life when I want to do the unholiest of things to you?
"So I decided it was best to run. I didn't want to violate my faith, or your trust." He noted the subtle shift of her body. The release of a soft breath; the slightest movement of her shoulders.
He softened his tone, "Baby, I care about you deeply. You know I do. I'm sorry about everything."
"What about what you said about Lissa?"
He sighed. "What did you hear?"
"You said if she came back now, you would give her a chance." He saw a stirring of anger in the depths of her eyes. He grimaced. She was hurting, but he needed to be honest.
"It was a what if scenario." He swallowed. He wanted to use his words carefully. "In some ways I still care for her."
She shifted on the couch. The cold mask of indifference reappeared. His heart sank. 'How can I redeem this situation?'
"Sue, I'm sorry. The breakup with me and Lissa is still raw--"
"It's been almost a year, Rhy," Sudie replied, closing her eyes. Ryan registered her pain and hated himself for hurting her
"I know, baby, I know. Sue, I'm trying."
She opened her eyes and the pain he saw in them wrecked him. He was gonna lose her. Panic rose in his chest.
"I need your love and loyalty, Rhy, not you trying. Trying sounds like I'm forcing you to love me--like I have you under duress." She rose to her feet, and looked down at him.
"I may not be as good-looking as Lissa, but I gave my best to this relationship, and you've broken my heart. I should have listened when you said you weren't ready."
"Sue, you are beautiful, very beautiful." He adjusted himself on the arm chair, which suddenly felt too hard to sit on.
"Baby, you're so beautiful. I want to bend you over and make you mine. I want to be the first and only one to have you. I want to be the one to give you your first orgasm. I want to see your eyes roll back and your body shaking while I'm deep inside you. I'll be telling you how beautiful you are. I'll tell you I need you, that I want you."
"Before tonight I would have been flattered." She gestured at herself. "Look at me," she said, coming close to tears.
Ryan observed her clothes. She looked tempting in that burgundy top. Her cleavage: creamy, beautiful, soft skin made his body harden. He looked down past her snatched waist to the blue jeans that hugged her figure. His eyes caught the impression of her cameltoe in those tight jeans, and he swallowed.
'She looks so delectable. Even wearing those jeans, squeezing up that fat thing.' He stared at her intensely: The flare of her hips, her shapely legs, and again his eyes drifted to stare at her 'fatness'.
'I am such a fool!'
A single tear streaked down her face. "This was for you. You said you needed space, but I was so stupid thinking I could show you I wasn't afraid, that I trusted you. I was gonna come over to your place to surprise you."
'She wore this for me?'
"Sue--" He lifted his gaze to her troubled eyes. He regretted everything he said on that bar stool.
"Shut up and let me say my piece!" Her hands curled into tight fists. Ryan bit his bottom lip.
"I was ready to give my virginity to you tonight if we lost control. I didn't want to be away from you. I was hurt about what you said in that text this morning, Rhy. It hurt!" Tears fell freely now, but she didn't care to hide them.
"I was going to hang out with Claude, but Dana convinced me to go see you. To show you that I want to be with you."
'Dana?! Was she also in on this with Mark? Was this her revenge for what I did those months ago?' A feeling of foreboding tightened his chest. He tried to breathe through it.
"I called Mark because I wanted your address from him. I was going to surprise you, and whatever happened between us tonight would happen."
He stood to his feet. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." He could kick himself right now. 'Note to self: stay the hell at home from now on!'
"Rhy, I wanted you. My body yearns for your touch, but I won't let you make me into a fool. This farce of a relationship is over. Let's just be colleagues from now on. Maybe later I can forgive you enough for us to be friends again, but right now I need my space."
"Sudie, baby!" Ryan tried to touch her, but she pulled back before his hand could reach her.
"No," she said. "This is over." She pointed between him and herself. "I won't say I won't forgive you, Rhy, I will. But, just as it's taken you a long time to see what's in front of you, it's taken me a while to see that there can be nothing between us. I will forgive you eventually." She bowed her head. Her shoulders quivered a little as she tried hard to restrain her emotions.
He was angry with himself, but he wasn't going to give up. He wanted to comfort her, but he was the cause of her pain. 'I have to make things right.'
"Sudie, give me a chance." He stepped forward. "Please." I was such a fool!
"There is no way I can trust you again," she said with finality.
His chest tightened with a pain he had never felt before. He couldn't breathe. 'No! This is not the end of us. I will not accept this!'
A feeling of defiance surfaced. 'No! No way am I letting you go!' He took a steadying breath.
He became deathly calm. "Sue, I messed up. I've been a fool. I will own that. I was looking back to a past that is dead, instead of looking at you my beautiful future. But I won't give up on you. I want you. I'm going to prove it to you every day from now on. Give me a chance."
"No. Please leave. I have work tomorrow."
"Baby--"
"No!" She put a hand up. "You say you need me, Rhy. You say you want me, but I haven't heard you say you love me," she said, her voice breaking. "And the wanting and needing is about you fulfilling your lust. It's not about me personally. It's not about seeing me as your woman."
He paused and stared at her. A million thoughts crossed his visage as he observed her pain. 'What have I done?'
He remembered those evenings and nights he spent with her eating and talking, just getting to know her. Those weekends she sat with him and listened to him talk about how Lissa hurt him. She never said a discouraging word. She was always kind to him. Always gentle with him.
He remembered how hesitantly, she warmed up to him holding her around her waist. She was shy about him being in her house, but she was a generous host. She made him wait to kiss her, but when he got the opportunity, he couldn't get enough. Her mouth tasted like sweet red wine. He was drunk with desire every time he kissed her. He had seen her trust in him grow each day. And now look at what he had done.
'I have to make it up to her!' He made a decision. He was done being careful. He would bare his soul to her: Cut himself open so he could have her beside him, if that's what she wanted. He wouldn't be afraid to fall in love with her anymore.
A fire he never knew he possessed stirred inside him. He moved forward and reached for her. She backed away, but he grabbed her, pulling her into his embrace. She struggled against him.
"Let me go!" Sudie said exasperated. But he held her tightly the more she resisted, until finally, her resolve broke and the first sob tore through her throat. Her body started to shake.
The vibrations cut through him and he almost cried too. He listened to her sobs and swore softly. 'Never again will I take this woman for granted,' he vowed to himself.
Ryan released a ragged breath. He softened his hold on her, but did not release her. His throat constricted with emotions as he felt her trembling in his arms. He hated himself. "You are my woman. I'm claiming every sweet inch of you," he said passionately.
"Sue, I won't let you go," he said softly. "I will give you the space you need for now. But I will not, I cannot let you go. You're like the sun that brightens my day. Baby, you're like the rain that nurtures my wounded heart. I have been chasing ghosts all this time. Memories that are no longer relevant."
He leaned back a little so he could see her eyes. He cupped her face with both hands. Instead of coldness, he saw pain. Instead of indifference, he saw heat. He saw raw need. She still wanted him and he was relieved.
"From now on it's all about you, baby. I promise." He kissed her brow and circled his arms around her. Her body sagged against him. He sighed. Closing his eyes, he whispered a quiet prayer asking God to help him mend her heart.
"I need you to leave. I need to think. We're no longer a couple, Rhy. You don't get to say what you said and expect to have access to me like before." Her voice sounded scratchy--broken.
"I know, baby. But I want you. I want you so much I'm going to fight to win your love back. You're mine. I won't give you up for another."
He kissed her brow and stared at her. His eyes darkened. "Your mine," he declared. He wanted to kiss her lips, but held himself back. "I'll call you tomorrow," he told her.
She nodded. "Okay," she said. She wiped her tears and sniffled.
"Promise me you'll answer my call," he said, brushing his lips on her forehead. He pressed himself into her so she could feel how much he wanted her. He felt her body shiver, and knew it wasn't because of grief this time.
"Promise me, Sue."
She sighed. "Yeah ... yeah, I will answer your call," she said quietly.
He smiled and touched her left cheek. "I love you. I love you and I'm going to prove it," he said, with a calmness he didn't know he possessed. He let her go reluctantly. The warmth of her body made him ache to be near her. He walked to the door, opened it and stepped outside.
Sudie heard the door click shut. Her body felt weak. Her knees gave way, and she sank to the couch. She was physically and emotionally drained. She kicked off her heels and lifted her feet on the couch.
Stretching her legs out, she thought of all he said and did a self deprecating laugh. What a fool she had been. That was done. No more! She was nobody's fool. 'He says he loves me. He will have to prove it.' She stared at the ceiling.
She sighed. 'He says he wants to fight for me, but I won't make it easy for him. Not anymore.'
Maybe she would give him a chance in the future. Maybe. She thought of his erection pressed on her pelvic bone and heat rushed between her thighs. She thought of how hard he felt: how he made her insides molten hot just by feeling him. Her body still wanted him. She took a breath. 'Why did he have to go ruin everything?'
That kiss with Claude was unexpected, but felt good. 'Nah! He's my good friend.' She couldn't risk ruining that relationship with a romantic tryst. For now, she belonged to no one.
'I need to refocus. Church, God and my job,' she thought.
"Lord, why does love hurt," she asked.
She closed her eyes and exhaustion dragged her under. Within a minute she was fast asleep.
***
Her phone rang. She was already getting dressed. It was 7:30. She was surprised to see Ryan calling so early.
"Good morning," she answered.
"Good morning, Sue. Are you ready?" Ryan asked.
She picked up her work bag. "Ready? For what?"
"I'm outside," Ryan replied.
"Uh... What? Why are you here so early?" she asked. She slung the bag over her shoulder and looked out her living room window. His car was parked in front of her gate. A frown materialized on her face.
"What is this?"
"I'm taking you to work this morning," Ryan said.
"Ryan, I drive. I have my own car. What is this about?"
"Sue, I want to talk to you. I may be reassigned somewhere else for a few weeks. I need to talk to you."
"Reassigned? Where?" She didn't like what he did, but she still cared for him.
"Special operations. I can't say what or where." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Baby, I want to spend some time with you before I have to leave, okay?"
She bit into the soft flesh of her lower lip. "Okay, yeah. I got some time."
"Thank you, baby." he said quietly. Sudie felt like there was something he wasn't telling her.
"Let me drive you to work," he said.
"Alright. Okay," she said, her heart beating fast.
She opened her front door and locked it. She walked towards him and saw him smiling at her. She smiled back. When she closed the car door, he bent forward and kissed her cheek. She inhaled his cologne and her stomach flipped over.
"You smell really good, Sudie," he said softly. She looked at his honey-brown eyes and again wished he hadn't ruined things between them.
"You do too. I like this cologne on you," she said. "The other one smells good, but this one just smells really good on you."
A boyish grin appeared on his face. "Thank you. I'll bear that in mind." He started the car and they drove down her road onto another street that led to the main road.
There was silence in the car for two minutes, then, "When will you leave?" She kept her eyes on the road.
"This Sunday," he said. "I got the text this morning."
"Will it be dangerous?"
"I'll take the necessary precautions," he said.
She looked at him. "Answer my question, Ryan."
He turned his head to briefly observe her body language. She had never called him Ryan before. Never.
"Are you angry?"
"A little about last night, yes," she answered. "Now you're going to go off somewhere to get yourself killed."
"You're certain?" she asked.
He took a quick look at her. "Yeah, baby, I'm certain." One thing he loved about her was her caring nature.
"Are you worried about me?"
She made a little sound of dismissal and he chuckled softly. "I know you're still angry with me, but it's okay to admit you care about me."
She looked at him, eyebrows raised. "I am naturally concerned because you are my colleague--camaraderie and all."
He looked at her and grabbed her hand.
"Hey, what are you doing? Both hands on the wheel, please," she told him.
He laughed. "You've seen me drive with one hand before. Don't be so dramatic." He tightened his grip on her, then focused his eyes on the road.
"Ryan?" She stared nervously ahead of them.
"Sudanie."
Ryan!"
"I love the way you call my name," he said, his voice dipping in register.
She turned her head to look at him and he winked at her. Her heart fluttered and she looked out her passenger side window. She heard him laugh softly, and huffed her displeasure. Incorrigible man!
Something inside her shifted--a tentative softening. She really wanted to trust him. But how could she now?
"I was falling in love with you," she said, her voice tinged with sadness. "How can I trust you?"
"I don't expect you to trust me like before without me earning it. And I promise to earn it, Sudie," he said, his tone sober.
He released her hand. She put it in her lap.
"What you wore last night: that was for me?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she said simply.
He took a quick look at her and saw the sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said solemnly. "Please give me another chance. I promise to show you that I'm worthy of you."
"I don't know. I'll think about it."
"Okay, I can live with that," he said softly. He adjusted his hold on the steering wheel as he drove.
She looked at him. "I was prepared for that. I was down for anything."
Ryan turned his head and looked into her eyes. He saw the truth of her words. "You were ready last night to... you know?"
She nodded. "If we both got heated in the moment, yes, I would have given it to you. I wouldn't have backed down."
Something flickered in his eyes. He turned his head to watch the traffic on the road. "Noted," was all he said. But she noticed his tightened grip on the steering wheel. A tiny smile formed on her lips. She looked out her passenger side window, enjoying the landmarks passing by.
Within five minutes, he was parked before her police branch. He stared at the building.
"You're not gonna let me live this down are you?"
Sudanie looked at him. "Answer me this: If it was me instead, if the roles were reversed and I was the one pining for an ex while dating you, how would you feel?"
They were fifteen minutes early for her shift. He stared ahead of him, no longer seeing the building.
"I would be devastated, angry, and very jealous," he answered. "Maybe I would be wondering if I was enough for you."
Sudanie nodded as she stared at him. "That's how I feel right now: like I will never be able to measure up. Shane's had her and is trying to move on, but I am skeptical of that. And there's you, still pining for her, while talking to me."
Ryan adjusted himself on the seat. "Why do you say you're skeptical of Sarge being over Lissa?"
Sudanie's chest rose and fell slowly. "He and Lissa had a major argument last year, and Dana didn't know about it. I'm not sure what it was about, but Lissa decided not to invite Dana to her wedding because of it."
Ryan laid his head on the head rest. "I wasn't invited," he said.
"Yeah, I know. I asked her about that."
"And?"
"She said she wasn't sure if you'd want to be there."
He grimaced. "She's right. I would have declined."
"She was thinking about Jordan. She wanted to ask you for his sake, but she said Jordan knew you may be awkward about it, so she didn't bother to ask.
"You and Jordan still good?" Sudanie asked, turning her upper body towards him.
He sat up and stared at his work boots. "Yeah, we are. Still my best friend. Nothing will change that." He lifted his head and looked out his passenger side window.
Sudanie observed closely then inclined her head in a quick nod. "I'm glad," she said, smiling at him. She reached out and touched his hand.
Ryan turned his head, saw her smile and his heart melted. He smiled back at her. Leaning over while she remained motionless in the seat, he reached out and cupped her right cheek.
"I know after everything that's happened you may not believe me, but I do care about you. I don't want to lose you. Let me show you. Let me shower you with my love."
She stared into his eyes and saw the vulnerability in their depths. She swallowed. Her own heart fluttered like a caged bird in her chest.
"Okay," she said, "on one condition."
"Anything," he said, his heart racing.
"We never talk about her. None of us mention that name again."
"Done. But she is your friend. Won't you guys be interacting when she gets back?"
"She's not my friend if she comes between me and my man," she said brusquely.
"Lissa doesn't want me so it won't be on her," he said, taking a breath. He noted what she said. A flicker of hope lit in his chest.
"Well then, you better make sure it's not a problem on your end," she said, her eyes flashing.
"It won't. I promise," he said. "May I suggest something better?" He liked this new possessive side of her
"What?" she asked, focused on his face.
"Spend the weekend with me," he said. "There will be no mention of 'she who will remain nameless', and we can make that time between us flow naturally."
"What about the mission you're going on?"
"I'll be leaving Sunday evening. Plenty of time for us to spend together. I'll pick you up on Friday night after our shifts. I promise not to touch you intimately unless you want me to."
"What will we do?"
"I'll cook for you. We can watch television. I'll take you out for lunch."
"At night?"
His gaze swept possessively over her. "We'll do whatever you want," he said.
She was curious about his home. A part of her wanted to say no, but a part of her was excited about being with him. She nodded.
"Okay, I accept, but you'll have to earn the privilege to touch me like you used to," she warned.
He nodded. "Understood. We'll play it how you want to. I'll be a gentleman," he said.
She saw the moment his jaw tightened--the muscle appearing in view, and knew it was going to be hard for him, but he had already committed. She bent forward and gave him a tiny peck on the jaw. She felt the muscle twitch against her lips and a satisfying feeling of feminine power rose up in her.
"You're taking me home later, right? You made me leave my car." she said, leaning back in the car seat.
He smiled at her and nodded. "Naturally," he replied. There was a coiled tension in his body, which gave her a thrill because she knew she caused it.
She laughed a little. "Let me out."
He unlocked the car door and she slid outside. She grabbed her work bag and gave a curt nod, though her eyes were dancing with mischief.
"Later," she said, smiling at him. She closed the door.
He stared at her face. She was toying with him. He could tell, but he didn't care. He was just glad she was smiling at him again. He would be a gentleman and not touch her if that was what she needed to be reassured.
"Later," he said. He gave a faint smile that lasted a millisecond before it was replaced with something more intense.
The seriousness of his face made Sudie's loins clench. He looked like he was ready to put her over his knee and spank her. A part of her wished he would. She cleared her throat, turned and walked away. Within a second she heard his car engine start, and he was gone.
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